An Elabrador Proposal

It’s almost Christmas Day. John is going to ask her tonight, but he is not asking her during the holiday just to increase the likelihood of an affirmative answer. It seems to John that everybody proposes around Valentine’s Day. He wants his proposal to be different and unexpected. She will most definitely not expect the timing, but he also knows it is unwise for a woman to be thoroughly unaware of the biggest question of their lives. So John made sure to drop enough engagement breadcrumbs for her.

Over the last month, John strategically asked her various scouting and exploratory questions such as “what do you think about big weddings; what do you think about small weddings; do you want children; how soon do you want a house; do your parents like me; am I your best friend; do you want to start sharing accounts; etc.” He’s also been cooking her dinner, making the bed, doing her laundry, and leaving the toilet seat down. So she’s been stupendously blissful this past month. Then there’s that the whole yuletide spirit thing also increasing her month-long satisfaction. John knows about Yuletide now because of her German parents and their visiting this Christmas. So with her parents being present, the timing is perfect. She surely will not answer him no on this Christmas Day.

He’s anxious, as all men are in this situation, but John already has a hefty expectation that she is going to say yes. He’s thinking about using his Labrador to retrieve her just to make sure though. John knows it’s not humanly possible to say no to Buzz. At first, he thought about copying Monica and Chandler’s proposal from that Friends episode. He thought about singing the proposal to her while playing his guitar. Then John remembered she said when he sings that his voice sounds like doves crying, and they spent the rest of the night in variance about what that even meant. He does not want a repeat of that night.

At that moment, Buzz lightly licked his hand. She does love his dog so much and Buzz loves her back so much. He’s part of the family; he can be a part of the proposal, John decides. He grabs his little chalkboard that he is going to hang on Buzz. In his best penmanship, he initially writes on it, “Will you marry my paw?” Then he thinks, no, she does not want to marry a foot. So John erases that question and replaces it with “Will you marry my Dad?” and adds a little heart symbol to the end. He wraps that version of the sign around his dog’s chest with some twine and then tells Buzz to sit. John takes a quick picture of his masterpiece in order to have another perspective of it. Upon viewing his photographic proposal, John realizes that she will not be able to tell Buzz no either.